People always have one thing or the other to say when it comes to choosing life partners. It is no longer news that parents are a major determinant for many marriages.
If your partner’s family members do not approve that relationship, you might as well forget it. Going ahead with a union like that means you will be fighting a war from the inception. Where most of your mates are busy enjoying the goodies that come with being married, you will be busy with strategies that will make you win your in-laws over. As an individual what will you do when getting married to your loved one becomes a taboo? Do you simply give up or fight it through?
In the same line, there are some people whose lives have taken a dramatic change simply because they failed to listen to the advises they were given about their partners. But the fact that these people have a sour tale to tell does not mean yours will end like theirs. Find out some of the things you can do when marrying your loved one becomes a taboo:
1. State the problem
Your inability to get married to your partner may not be your parents’ objection alone. There could be other people around saying your choice of partner is whack and unhealthy. When this happens you have to be brave enough to trace the source before proffering solutions. If you act like a weakling and back out, you may be encountering a similar problem in the future. If you are being advised against marrying your partner, you have to conduct a little research and make your own findings. Marriage is a life-long journey; you have to ensure you are in it for the right reasons.
2. Talk to your partner
Marriage is about two people who are coming together as one, you should start functioning as a unit. Sit your partner down and have a deep conversation. State the problems and what you have found out so far. Your partner may know things you do not know. Do not assume you know it all by breaking up without verifying the things you have heard.
3. Find solicitors
After talking about the problems and sorting things out within yourselves, you will have to ask for the opinion of those older than you. In cases where parents object to the union due to tribalism and unsettled feuds, you may need to find someone they respect to talk to them. It may be too heated talking to them by yourself. An older person in the form of an uncle or old family friend may help you both reach an agreement.
4. Write down your goals
While you are trying to make things work with your parents and relatives, it may be a good time for you to reflect on things going on with you too. When issues like that come up when a wedding is in view, there could be something true about the allegations. Compare your partner’s goals in the marriage with yours in order to see if they tally.
5. Reach an agreement together
After you have done the things above, you should be able to take a decision. The fact that you want to come together in holy matrimony means you are both of age. If everything seems fine with your goals, you can take a big step and seal it all with faith in God. However, you have so many unresolved issues, it may be better for you to let go and let things slide. The issues raised by concerned relatives may eventually come up in the marriage and shatter things.
(Source: Damilola Odunsi)