Monday, September 26, 2016

4 Love Destroyers That Are Often Overlooked

We have an idea of what to do, and how to make relationships work. Often the buzzwords are intimacy, trust, attention, care, surprises, amazing sex, etc.

The list is quite endless, really, and rightly so, given how separate people get ticked by several different things.

However, some attributes and requirements often get overlooked or forgotten when we are listing requirements for a healthy relationship.

Funny thing is that these things, just like all the other obvious ones play a part in what the relationship feels like, and what the eventual outcome will be.

In the next lines, we examine 4 of those things.

In a recent article, a couple married of 70 years expressed how respect has been the strongest bond holding them together.

What often triggers hurt or anger is disrespect. When there’s mutual respect, couples have a firm foundation upon which they can stand and weather any storm that may face their relationship.

Lack of validation
It is often frustrating when a partner does not make the effort to understand what the other is saying.

You necessarily do not have to agree with everything your partner says, that’s fine; what isn’t is when you actually do not make any effort to understand the opinion they are trying to express.

Your partner deserves your validation, really; it makes no sense when you shut their opinions or ideas without even trying to see the merit therein.

Again, you do not need to agree, but you can do is at least try to “get it.”

No space 
No one, or rather, not too many people like to feel 'boxed in' in a relationship.

That you are a couple does not change the fact that you both are still individuals with separate lives, interests and responsibilities outside the relationship.

Often ignored, this is one aspect of relationships that could eventually snuff life out of what you both are trying to build.

Give your partner the space to breathe – let them be able to see their friends, do the things they were doing before they met you, they do not have to be around you all the time.

They [and you, too] need to  maintain your own identity, don’t you see?

Being too uptight
There was a tweet I saw recently about how Nigerian guys do not always like to involve in pillow fights. That, sadly is quite true, but it is not really limited to the guys.

Take note that engaging in serious play [and rough play, sometimes] with each other is one of the best ways to secure the bond between the two of you.

Serious conversations about goals and where you intend to be in the next 5 years, or reminiscing about your [warped/unhappy] childhood together are not the only ways to do that.

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